Living the mommy life

It is hard for a girl to grow up to be independent in our society. More often than not, freedom of choice is an unaffordable luxury for women. Conventional notions towards the need of girls being married off early, general disinterest in girls having a career of their own, have always put up significant restrictions against their dreams coming true. In such fatalities, women look for alternatives to hold on to. Fahmida Chowdhury, being married off at a very early age against her dreams, writes how she found happiness in motherhood.


maxresdefaultLIFE is full of surprises. And to me, the biggest surprise from life would be my marriage. To be more specific, motherhood.

My parents wedded me off when I was 18. Although it was an agreeable age for a girl, however, back then I wanted more from life. All my dreams, ambitions, the willpower and confidence to become an independent woman someday, everything seemed to be shattered. But they say, the creator might have a plan for everyone which, although might not match our plan, is the best for us. That’s how I found my new identity – a mother.

My married life was like that of any other ordinary couple in an arranged marriage. We had our ups and downs. There was common ground but differences also existed. He was a rising businessman and I still planned on higher studies. We both decided to set family planning aside. But once again, fate had something else planned for me. It was 24 April, roughly a year after my marriage, when we were blessed with a beautiful daughter, Najowa.

She fulfilled the empty space in our life, in our hearts which we didn’t even know existed till her birth. It was then that I began to understand, in fact visualise the bigger picture of my life. I thought of my marriage as an end to my dreams. But it was actually the closing of a window to open the door for many more opportunities.

mom-support-26cd7c594bc4ec2fbaa25185945a90a42f76f89e-s800-c85It doesn’t matter where you go, a mother is always expected to be perfect. I think the society has an invisible zero tolerance rule for mothers. But this zero tolerance challenge is the reason that I am no more a mere teenager who is hopeless about life. It’s not an easy job raising a child. You always can’t draw the straight line between right and wrong. There is barely any chance of being prepared beforehand as a parent, for every child is different. The advices and suggestions by well-wishing relatives and neighbours don’t always work. You need to find your own advices, come up with your own suggestions. The hardest part is living with the uncertainty. Not knowing how a certain situation might affect your child, the impact it might have.

I’m not exaggerating when I say a toddler’s mother is no less than a warrior in a war field! You always have to be on your toes. Then there is sickness. Flu, cold, fever – these are like three names of nightmare. A sick baby will suddenly spit up or vomit and dirty all the clothes. I don’t know why but medicines and babies seem to be long lost enemies. It is a battle trying to give medicine to the baby. And every mom is familiar with unstoppable wails and sleepless nights. That’s the hardest of all. These nights when the baby cries nonstop is like a walk through the grounds of hell. Situations like these sometimes upset you, sometimes scare you. But worst of all, they sometimes make you doubt your own self. It shakes your confidence. But it’s okay. By the end of the day, you have acknowledged the cracks in your confidence and mended it already. You learn to accept your mistakes gracefully and take a lesson from them. That’s the person motherhood changes you into. Every passing day is like another day survived, another battle won. Kids refuse anything you ask them to eat or do. But you need to choose wisely about the matters you are going to persist on and things you are going to let them have their own way. You need to be strict sometimes. You have to make tough decisions.

All these worries and hardships seem nothing when compared to the joy and peace maternity brings. For instance, your child loves you unconditionally no matter what. They come to you whenever they are stuck with something. To them you are like one of those superheroes they watch in the movies and cartoons. For them, baba and ammu are the best in world. They know it in their innocent hearts that baba and ammu love them to the moon and back. They’ll ask you zillions of questions every day, almost about every single thing they come across because to them you are more intelligent than Einstein (not that they know who he is, but it gives you the idea!). Their curiosity will sometimes change the way you look at things. Their innocence will at times question your judgment. That’s the improvement a child brings in a parent.

Maternity was not something I looked forward to. But when handed over the responsibility, I realised there was no better job in the world than raising a child to be a good human being. Every day my daughter learns something new and teaches me to see the old things in a new light. She gives me hope and confidence to become a self sufficient woman someday, so that she can look up to me as an example.


                                             Fahmida Chowdhury is a student of Government Tolaram College.

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